Finding your purpose: It may not happen how you think

"Your purpose is not a thing you do, it's a person you become." (1) I heard this line by Brianna Wiest in her book The Life That's Waiting and it finally clicked. All the years of searching externally for a purpose had led me in various directions, that for a bit of time provided change and excitement, but ultimately still left me searching for more. Until I finally focused inward.

Rewind to 5 years ago, I was sitting with my own unhappiness and thoughts of "is this it?". Add onto that my unhealthy relationship with drinking alcohol to avoid those thoughts and it was a constant inner battle of how I wanted to show in the world versus how I was actually showing up. For myself, my family, my friends and colleagues. Till I finally hit a breaking point and decided to live an Alcohol Free lifestyle. Now, I am never looking back.

But first, lets take it back to where my journey hit its breaking point. I was living in New York City, working hard and partying hard. Now, I wasn't going out and drinking every night, but when I did go out with friends it was enough to leave me hungover, anxious and depressed for several days. (Not to mention making some terrible decisions that I would regret) But luckily I knew the answer that would solve all my problems: moving to London of course.

Once I moved to London, I would be happy, fall in love with a British man (obviously) and move on with my life. Except it didn't quite work out that way. Turns out moving to a new country by yourself is thrilling and exciting at first, but you also spend a lot of time with yourself and your thoughts. And it was in those quiet times that I realized that nagging anxiety and depression and feelings of unfulfillment still persisted. Dating when I was in that frame of mind also never worked out because I wasn't happy with who I was - how could I form a healthy relationship on uneven ground. So much for my big change.

Instead, I used that time and space to really examine how I was showing up for myself. What was working and what was no longer serving me? I can remember thinking "I used to be happy and ambitious, where did that go?" And one issue was constantly at the top of the list to tackle first: my relationship with alcohol. So I decided it was time to change that.

Fast forward almost 3 years and I am totally alcohol free and never looking back. And boy has it been both the easiest and hardest thing I have ever done. But not hard in the way you may be thinking. I don't want or crave alcohol. I don't have to rely on my willpower to stop me (but that's for a different blog post). It is hard because I really have to deal head on with the emotions that come up everyday. I no longer avoid and distract. This can be very uncomfortable at first. But it also made me realize that a lot of my unhappiness came from trying to fit in a box that wasn't built for me. Going through the motions of working at a job that ultimately doesn't completely fulfill me.

And so I set myself a new goal: "Finding my purpose". Easy right? Yeah - not quite!

I felt this immense pressure to find THE THING. That thing that would get me out of bed every morning, inspired and ready to start my day. That thing that would fulfill me and change everything. The problem with that approach is that it still focused on the external. What I couldn't control. So I turned to researching and listening to hours and hours of books and podcasts to see what I was doing wrong. And if I had to summarize in a few sentences it would be -

It is only by becoming the best version of yourself - showing up day in and day out as that version - that you can truly find your purpose in life. Success is a by product but not the focus. And practice Gratitude. Gratitude leads to inner power and the ability to overcome obstacles along the way to change. (because there will be obstacles)

Sounds easy, but breaking years of habits and negative self talk is the opposite of easy. And its a life long journey that I will continue to document here in my blog in hope that it may help others who have resonate with my story.

Lastly, it is why I embarked on my journey towards a diploma in Coaching & Positive Psychology. I want to share what I've learned and help others unlock what is holding them back to regain their Spark for life - whether that is going Alcohol Free or removing obstacles to what is next for you.

Take the Next Step!

If you're ready to explore new possibilities and unlock your purpose, book a free introductory session with me today. Together, we can chart a path forward and discover what comes next on your journey!

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Sources:

1. Wiest, Breanna. The Life That's Waiting. Track 20, Audiobook.